favotter
tenacious d.'s favored(89529)bio: Just another cute and sexy genius.
By laser surgery, I thought it meant I'd be able to shoot lasers out of my eyes. What a rip-off.
What do you get for the woman who hates everything?
The first rule of Fight Club is don't watch Fight Club.
I got the environmentally friendly toilet paper and got 6 miles of receipts. Net gain for Earth: 0.
In retrospect, answering the phone "House of Pain, this is Debbie" probably didn't make my parents love me more.
Rather than tell you about my childhood, I will show you my stigmata.
I think this should probably be my last cup of coffee. I feel like a walking exclamation point.
Twitter is 99% more effective at contraception than a condom.
Friday is that big round booty of the work week.
@hudsonette She said you have to get her one too.
My mother contacted me in a dream and said I still better get her a damn gift. She said I will dream her list tomorrow.
Genetically speaking, I am one-half Homo Sapien Shutthefuckupicus.
I accidentally called someone a nitwit yesterday, in the sense that I said it out loud. Then I said it wasn't me, and she believed it.
The tears of a soccer mom taste like Juicy Juice.
The Ouija board just spelled out S T F U A N D G E T M E C O F F E E
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interfere with that whole coughing/ farting/ ass scratching thing you have going on over there.
